Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
