Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She tied me up with her honor cords...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
