things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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