i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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