Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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