Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
