Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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