Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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