I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
His hands were made for my vagina.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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