I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
