May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
