I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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