Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
