Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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