Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
