i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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