she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
