And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
areolas are like halos for boobs.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
