the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
