ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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