Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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