They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
