i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
