I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
