look no pants
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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