i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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