One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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