Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
