This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
ok first of all what the fuck
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
