It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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