she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
