Can i not drive my cunt home
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
whose parrot is this?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
