i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
try to milk me bitch
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