i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
