So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
