Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ttyl tear gas
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
