She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
