Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They took my balls.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
