If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
home. puking in laundry basket.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
