There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
