I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
