that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
