he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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