STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
