All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Randomize
