A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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