Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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