somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
