I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
