2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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