dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
