I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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